


On this Christmas day in 2010 I have so much to be grateful for. It has been three months since I have last update my journal on this website so it is tough to summarize what has transpired for me.
Photos -
Photos -
This is my immediate "Fort Collins family". The 5 person crew that all have the opportunity to help Hannah live a very full and social life. Tammy, Diane, Brook, Emily, Trot, and Nicole.
Two of my very close friends in Fort Collins, Kyle and Claire - picture taken at our pumpkin party.
Dyane and Kyle are pictured on a bike adventure trip - Fort Collins, CO to Vedauwoo, WY. The sign did actually say, "Survivors will be prosecuted." We all survived...without prosecution.
Hannah is pictured participating in a 5k run through a non-profit organization called Athlete's in Tandem.
My best friend Andrea returned home from three months in the desert and her two babies are in her arms for the first time since she left.
A group of good friends went on a ski yurt trip. My good friend Steve has just given me a wet willy as we sat in his trunk taking our gear off at the end of the trip.
Kyle and Brook at the beginning of the ski trip.
One of my goals from my previous post included stating that I want to surround myself with people who support, inspire and love me and those I can support inspire and love. I am thrilled to report after my three months in Fort Collins I have created such a community. I am grateful for each one of them and feel so lucky to have such a strong group of friends that developed so quickly. So much so, that I am sadly having to leave this group of friends in January for Austin to finish up my masters degree in an internship. I am trying to rally and get excited about the temporary move to Austin, but I am so thrilled with my community I am torn about peeling away - if only for 3 months.
I had a revelation as to why creating such a strong network of friends has been such vital aspect of my new life in Colorado. When I was in Houston taking care of my mom, I was surrounded by family. I love my family dearly, and am so grateful they are in my life. Although, when I needed to cry about my mother impending death and I needed an escape from my family I had no where to go. I really did not have a solid network of friends. This was the loneliest I can remember feeling in my life. By moving back to Colorado, knowing I would not even have my family members around, I knew that creating a network of friends was a priority.
I am working on something within myself in the last couple of months. It is a simple concept, but yet so many people (including myself) in our society struggle with this state of being....present. When I am talking with someone I can tell quickly if they are present with me and I quickly become disappointed and distracted if I recognize their aloof attention. I have decided that my lessons with Hannah have to do with being present and really listening. While Hannah cannot use her voice to speak, she uses facial expressions, eyes and her computer to communicate. I am grateful to my teacher Hannah. I still have tons to learn from her. We are still getting to know each other, but I am very much enjoying living and working with her and from what I can understand she is still excited that I am living and working her her.
Friends - I find it ironic that I have invested so much time in developing my friendships in the recent months, yet I have also had so much turmoil with so many friendships. One of my mantras I have used in the last couple of months is "The only constant is change itself." Referring back to the state of being full present, I am working on being grateful for what I have for the time I have it.
My new word I have been focusing on...Grace. It is no secret that our world is filled with equal and opposite emotions which keep us all in balance and in check. I have been trying to remember that when shit hits the fan, with some patience and some deep breaths this helps me realize the good stuff is just around the corner. On the other side of the token, when I am in a state of elation, I have to remember not to get over the top excited and be aware that even though my overriding emotion is ecstatic, there are still concurrently things in my life that need nurturing and attention. This place, I call grace.
Dance camp - I had the opportunity to visit a special male friend in California at the beginning of December for a dance camp. There has been a welcoming of a new style of dance in my life. There are many different names for this style of dance (which actually has no form to it at all) - ecstatic dance, wild dance, conscience dancing, free form, contact etc. I feel more free and ecstatic when I am in this form of dance - it is the closest natural high I can ever recall. I had 3 wonderful days of this at a camp in California with some amazingly special people.
Wild Dance in Fort Collins - Perhaps one of the greatest thing that has happened for me since moving to Fort Collins was helping getting Wild Dance going in Fort Collins. For many years there was a group of dancers, but over the years the group had grown too small. When I moved to town I researched and networked until I found the right people to help me pull off the resurrection of the wild dance in Fort Collins. We were elated when 16 people showed up and we all had a magical evening of dancing. It was such a great highlight!
Wild Dance in Fort Collins - Perhaps one of the greatest thing that has happened for me since moving to Fort Collins was helping getting Wild Dance going in Fort Collins. For many years there was a group of dancers, but over the years the group had grown too small. When I moved to town I researched and networked until I found the right people to help me pull off the resurrection of the wild dance in Fort Collins. We were elated when 16 people showed up and we all had a magical evening of dancing. It was such a great highlight!
December 8th - This was mom's anniversary date from her passing one year ago. I saw the calendar and tried not to focus on the date, but my mind could not overcome the sadness in my heart. It was one of my tougher days. There was simply this cloud of sadness hanging over me all day and I could not shake it. I was so very thankful to have my good friend Steve to get outside with me and go for a bike ride. Also, that evening I was working with Hannah so that helped as well. I have noticed as of recent I miss my mom the most when shit hits the fan. I guess I did not realize I called on her when my life became what I felt like was unmanageable. Soon after she died, I said to more than one person, "I am 28, I feel like I don't really depend on mom much anymore." I guess I was wrong - I realize now that I don't have her in the tough moments is when I really want her around. She was a good momma, a good momma I will always miss and will always be grateful that I had the best momma in the world for 28 years. I love you mom and I miss you in my days.
Hannah, Diane (Hannah's mom), Tammy (another one of Hannah's caregiver) and I went to the Breckenridge Outdoor Education Center for a winter ski trip. I had the chance to ski with Hannah and we had a rippin good time! It was good to be back in the Griffith Lodge. We had beautiful weather and such a nice group of folks as usual to spend time cooking meals, playing games, sharing stories and much much laughter. Hannah had a great time and is looking forward to her next vacation...whatever it may be!
Hannah, Diane (Hannah's mom), Tammy (another one of Hannah's caregiver) and I went to the Breckenridge Outdoor Education Center for a winter ski trip. I had the chance to ski with Hannah and we had a rippin good time! It was good to be back in the Griffith Lodge. We had beautiful weather and such a nice group of folks as usual to spend time cooking meals, playing games, sharing stories and much much laughter. Hannah had a great time and is looking forward to her next vacation...whatever it may be!
Houston visit - I felt as though this Christmas was my first real Christmas without my mom. She was technically not living last Christmas, but it seemed as though it did not count or even as though it did not exist. I remember last year we were still dealing with the aftermath of losing a family member and all of the logistics involved with such matters. On Christmas morning, Dad and I went to the Veteran's Memorial to visit Mom for the first time since her plaque was complete. We also had a chance to say Merry X-mas to my grandpa - Dad's dad.
There are about a million other things I could update on this blog - but for now - that was enough. It is tough to wrap up so many months into a blog. I have learned my lesson - I will try to do a better job of updating folks and keeping a better journal.
There are about a million other things I could update on this blog - but for now - that was enough. It is tough to wrap up so many months into a blog. I have learned my lesson - I will try to do a better job of updating folks and keeping a better journal.

























